


You Must Follow Your Heart (Know That I'm Yours to Keep)

by closetbidisaster



Series: Fics inspired by songs [13]
Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F, Fix-It, Getting Back Together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-27 06:15:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21387448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/closetbidisaster/pseuds/closetbidisaster
Summary: And when the windDoes blow against the grainYou must follow your heartYou must follow your heartWhile I'm off chasing my own dreamsSailing around the worldPlease, know that I'm yours to keepMy beautiful girlOrpart 2 of I Don't Know How I Can Do WithoutOrthe fix-it fic because I'm a sucker for happy(ish) endings
Relationships: Alex Morgan/Kelley O'Hara, Ashlyn Harris/Ali Krieger, Tobin Heath/Christen Press
Series: Fics inspired by songs [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1516991
Comments: 5
Kudos: 58





	You Must Follow Your Heart (Know That I'm Yours to Keep)

**Author's Note:**

> Song titles are Against the Grain and The Girl both by City & Colour
> 
> Suggested by @jtkretzschmar
> 
> Written because I hate the thought of sad Kellex so I quickly caved when asked for a fix-it fic.

Kelley was miserable. She felt like life had been beating her up and crushing her ever since she walked away from Alex that night. She had spiraled, feeling everything slipping out of her fingers. She was still unfit to play, something that made her increasingly frustrated. She hated Los Angeles, she decided. For being so large, she found it extremely difficult to avoid a certain striker who also resided in the city. 

She spent a lot of time on the phone with Christen, venting and attempting to work through her issues. She would yell and cry or sit there in silence, unable to speak due to the crushing weight on her chest. Without a doubt, without hesitating, Christen was always there, reassuring her.

“Kelley, I know you know this, but I’m going to say it anyway,” Kelley rubs her face in frustration and waits for her friend to continue. “You don’t need to fix everything. You don’t have to always have a solution. I know it hurts and I know you’re afraid that you may not feel better anytime soon. But, Kelley, you are so strong. You are a warrior and you have a good heart. You need to follow it. It will lead you to where you need to go.”

Kelley gives a weak half-smile to her teammate. She would be lost without her and Tobin. Ash and, by extension Ali, was sort of avoiding the defender currently, spending more time with Alex as she worked her way through the break-up. 

Tobin sort of floated between the two sides; she was dating Christen and had known Kelley for over thirteen years now, and she and Alex had always been close. She did not want to choose sides, but she hated watching two of her best friends hurting. She watched Kelley become a shell, while Alex closed in on herself.

Kelley knew it would hurt when she broke up with Alex; it wasn’t that she didn’t love the taller brunette. The attention had just become too much for her to handle. She had tried to be strong for her girlfriend’s sake, but it had only lasted so long. The day she walked away from Alex in Chicago, her heart had shattered. The night she had left the bar, deciding she couldn’t be what Alex needed, her heart had managed to break even more. Ever since that night, she had slowly become more reserved. Her emotional scars were easily seen by her friends, though she refused to discuss it.

She is broken from her thoughts when Christen reaches over and pats her knee. Looking at her friend, she finds nothing but kindness and concern in her eyes. Christen had never seen her friend so broken, so weighed down by the world. Her shoulders consistently hung and her eyes were almost always trained on the ground. The breakup was affecting her more than anyone would have thought. Kelley had always been the strong one, never letting anything, or anyone, keep her down for very long. Christen almost didn’t know what to do, never having seen her friend like this before. She tried to be supportive as best she could, encouraging the defender to move on. But the freckled woman seemed stuck in her misery. The only real thing she could offer was her love.

“I love you, Kel. And I promise you, I’m not going anywhere. I will always be here,” Kelley just nodded in response, unable to speak still. Fixing her eyes on Christen’s hand which was still on her knee, she tried to take a deep breath, but it hurt.

After a couple of moments, she finally speaks. Christen’s heart hurts when Kelley’s broken whisper reaches her ears.

“I’m trying to follow my heart, Chris. But my heart keeps pointing back to her,” her eyes are full of tears and Christen wants nothing more than to defend her friend from the fans who were still coming for her, despite the relationship ending. She was never one to really engage with the fans online, but her protective instincts were coming out and she had never wanted to rip someone apart as much as she did now. Her best friend’s relationship had floundered and gone up in flames because of the fans, and she felt even more justified in keeping her relationship with Tobin private.

Studying the defender in front of her, Christen wonders if Kelley knew what Alex had planned before the break-up. More so, she was wondering if Alex had kept the ring in hopes of the relationship somehow fixing itself. Not that she thinks it would make much of difference, but she wonders how Kelley would react if she knew.

“I just wish following my heart didn’t mean feeling this amount of pain...I wish following my heart meant I could move on,” she looks around the bar before sighing, standing, and looking at Christen.

“I’ve gotta go. Tell Tobin I say hi. Tell Ash and Ali that I miss them,” Christen nods in response, frowning at Kelley’s sudden urgency to leave. She thought they were starting to make a little bit of progress, but for some reason, the older woman suddenly shut down. As she headed to the bar to pay her tab, Christen’s eyes followed her before drifting to the front door and seeing the reason for Kelley’s necessity to quickly leave.

Alex stood, frozen right outside the open doorway, eyes glued to the back of Kelley’s head. Kelley, for her part, was doing everything to avoid looking at the door. She paid her tab and risked a glance behind her, hoping Alex had moved from the entrance. She hadn’t, and their eyes locked. Kelley felt the wind knocked out of her and was rooted to her spot next to the bar. She knew there was no way to get out of the bar without passing the younger woman. She decides to get it over with, to rip the band-aid off.

Approaching the striker, Kelley feels apprehensive and can see the nervousness in Alex’s eyes. Her body language is tense and she looks ready to bolt, but she stays put. Stepping out into the warm Los Angeles evening, Kelley stands far enough away to give Alex space, but close enough to easily have a conversation.

“...Hi, Alex,” Kelley is hesitant but knows she cannot just blow past the taller brunette without saying anything. Alex studies her for a short moment before responding.

“Hey, Kelley. I didn’t know you’d be here…” she trails off, scratching the back of her neck. Kelley takes a small step forward, curiosity taking over.

“How have you been?” Alex just looks at her and Kelley feels herself withering under her gaze. Kicking at the ground, she starts feeling more awkward in the silence. Finally, she responds.

“Been better,” she speaks softly, eyes studying Kelley. She opens her mouth to respond, but Alex keeps speaking.

“I tried moving on,” Kelley’s blood runs cold as she tries to figure out if she heard correctly. “I’ve tried moving on, but I can’t. You deserve better than what I gave you. You deserve the world, Kel, and I will never be able to tell you how sorry I am that I couldn’t give that to you. I’m sorry that our jobs kept us three thousand miles away from each other, that the ‘fans’ tore us apart. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you. I-Kelley, I am so sorry,” her voice breaks and with it, Kelley’s heart.

Taking a step forward, she tentatively reaches for Alex’s hand. The younger of the two studies their intertwined hands before speaking again. “My heart will always be yours. I could spend my entire life trying to move on, trying to get over you. But I can’t. I’ve tried to imagine living a life, having a future, without you. And I don’t want it.”

She looks up and Kelley’s breath hitches when she finds tears glistening in the younger woman’s eyes. Her heart breaks even more and she rubs her thumb against the back of Alex’s hand.

“Please don’t cry, Al,” she whispers. “Lex, please. It breaks my heart to see you cry. And it breaks my heart, even more, to know that I’m the reason why. You deserve someone who can take the attention. Someone who won’t fold and won’t run when things get hard. I can’t be that for you,” the tears in Alex’s eyes have begun to fall, but Kelley keeps pushing through.

“I don’t want you to be with someone else. I’m so lost without you, Alex. But you deserve so much better than-” 

Alex cuts her off.

“I don’t want someone who ‘won’t fold’ or whatever. I don’t want fancy, highly publicized dinner dates, or to jet-set around the globe and be noticed by paparazzi. I just want you. Only you, Kel,” her eyes pleading with Kelley as the older woman’s mind spins and she tries to think straight.

“Lex, we tried it. We tried going public and it didn’t work. I tried being strong, for you, because I love you and it didn’t work,” her voice starts to raise, getting agitated. “I tried Alex. For you. Because I love you,” Alex’s eyes widen slightly.

“You-you love me,” her voice is laced with shy awe.

“What?”

“You love me, present-tense. So what are we doing?”

Kelley sighs, dropping Alex’s hand, not missing the hurt flash in the striker’s eyes. Taking a small step back, she tries to keep her voice level.

“Love isn’t always enough, Alex. Sometimes you love someone and it destroys you. If love were enough, we wouldn’t be having this talk right now.” It hurts her to say this, but she is so beyond hesitant to get back into a relationship that gave her anxiety attacks almost weekly. She feels the need to protect her heart, but it is currently torn in two. She misses Alex; she still loves her with more passion than she has ever loved anyone else. Alex takes a step closer to her and she makes no move to step away.

“Why can’t we start again? Just you and me this time. No fans, no media, just us,” she is looking at Kelley so softly, so full of love and Kelley’s mind goes blank momentarily. The striker takes another step forward, getting into Kelley’s space. The defender just looks into her blue eyes, feeling herself get lost in them just as easily as she used to.

“Stop me if you don’t want this,” Alex whispers, gently cupping Kelley’s face before kissing her. The defender’s eyes flutter closed and she kisses her back, soft and slow. After a few moments, the shorter woman pulls back, her eyes still closed.

“Alex-”

“Please, Kel. One more try.”

Kelley’s eyes open and she searches Alex’s, still feeling a little nervous. The striker is waiting, still cupping her face with one hand and stroking the back of the defender’s hand with the other. Kelley’s brain argues with itself for a brief moment before she reaches a conclusion.

“One more chance, Morgan. Just you and me. No media, no fans. And we take it slow. I don’t know if my heart can take being broken again,” she states seriously and Alex breaks into a huge smile. Grabbing Kelley’s face with both hands, she places a kiss on her forehead before smiling at her. She was not going to let the freckled defender get hurt again, especially not because of her. She would protect her heart and she was willing to fight anyone who came for her.

“I think I can manage that,” she smiles shyly and the shorter woman returns it.

“Yeah?”

“For you, Kel, I’d move mountains.”

Kelley’s brows furrow and she tilts her head to the side slightly.

“That seems a little dramatic, don’t you think?”

“I was trying to be romantic, Kel,” Alex responds with a half-hearted eye roll. Kelley gives a lopsided grin in response, showing the younger woman that she was only teasing her. Reaching to grab one of Alex’s hands, she laces their fingers together and lightly squeezes.

“I’ve missed you, Lex,” she finally, completely lets her guard down, eyes softening.

“Marry me.”

“Uh, Al, that’s not exactly what ‘taking it slow’ means,” Kelley lets out a short, nervous laugh.

“Not today, or next month, or even six months from now. But someday,” Alex’s eyes are shining. “Marry me someday, please?”

“Someday?”

“Someday.”

“Ok, Al. Here’s to someday,” she kisses the striker again, just as soft and slow as the first one. 

“Come on, Kel. Let’s go home.”

“Still not understanding this whole ‘taking it slow’ thing are you, Miss Morgan?” Kelley’s eyes sparkle as she teases the younger woman.

“Shut up and come home with me, O’Hara.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to @jtkretzschmar for the song suggestions and the fix-it suggestion because we all hate sad Kellex.
> 
> Drop a song suggestion and I'll add it to my list; all genres welcome!


End file.
